We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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