I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
