I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
