You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
