This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
