This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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