Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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