It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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