I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
