I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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