I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
