I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
