The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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