I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
