I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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