I am puke
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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