I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
