so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
