went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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