Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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