You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
