dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
