Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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