It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
