The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
