Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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