All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
