this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
