you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
