JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
