she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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