ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
