So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
