i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
