I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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