Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I need a beard to bite.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
