and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
