Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
