your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
