How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
