was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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