so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
