went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
