Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
