I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Can I color on your dick again?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
