her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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