My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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