some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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