apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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