Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
