I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he thought i was a dude.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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