I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
