i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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