he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I touched a dick in church today
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
